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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I Might Walk Away

Last night you made me sad. Not the kind of sad that makes me want to take your beautiful face in my hands and kiss you; no, not that kind at all. It was the kind of sad that makes me want to walk away, the kind of sad that I can’t understand. How can such wonderful magic die without warning? Fading away as the last colors of an awesome firework display, one minute striking you quiet with its sparkling wonder and the next leaving you searching the sky in need of more than the empty feeling you’re filled with. What happened to the smile that I could hear crackling through the phone line? Where is the lust and electric curiosity which filled the nights with insanity? Vaguely insecure thoughts fill my head ~ have you no desire to know me better? Have you lost interest in what I am? Do you no longer want to visit my world, or be that lovely creature which enchants my dreams? Vaguely insecure thoughts but more so thoughts of severely sad disappointment, I absorbed you with so much passion, I don’t want you to fade away. I adored what you pulled out of my darkest depths; I loved the life I felt whenever you were near. I need to believe that this world has such delightful souls living in it day to day. I don’t want to walk away. More than that, I don’t want to stay while inside I * to walk away. I don’t have everything figured out just yet, but one thing I know is that once you start to look out at the world with that longing to be anywhere but where you are you will not ever again be happy there. So when I talk to you, and you are no longer that magical girl and you no longer make me feel like I could fly ~ worse, you make me look around with longing ~ it kills something beautiful. It kills the me that you set free and I can’t let that part of myself die. I don’t want to think of this world without your magic, I don’t want to know who you are after you’ve lost what I find so special ~ that might just break my heart. Would I rather lose you now and keep your memories, full of life and inspiration? No, I would rather you not lose your magic at all.
Sadly, the kind of sadly that makes me start to think that I might walk away, some things are beyond even me.


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