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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"You Are In Love With Someone Else."

I miss Leo.
"You never stopped."”
"“You never stopped missing her."
It'’s so much worse now, I just feel... She knew me, she just got me, no misunderstanding, no anger... Now I feel so alone. Even when I am here with you I just feel so, so alone.

A silence fills the space between us, a silence as clear and soft as our tears. I wonder if the lack of sound would taste salty, and I want to lean over her broken heart and lick her tears with the very tip of my tongue. Smoke curls, thin and green and dry, around our bodies, hers dressed in loose pajamas and mine only a short tee shirt. I'’ve never been aware of being naked with her, but now I reach over and pull the cover over my lap.

So, now... Well, what are we?
"You can't say you want to break up and then ask me like it's my choice."
I mean, do you want to be with me? Still, like this?
"No, there is someone better for you."
What? Who?
"The person you've drawn your whole life, the one you write and dream about. The one who knows you like no one else ever will."
She is my best friend, you can't use that against me.
"Best friends make the best lovers."
I don't even have her anymore, we don't even speak.
"She will be back. You two will find each other. You were made to be with each other."
You don't want to be with me because I slept with my best friend.
"I don't want to be with you because you are in love with someone else."

~I open my mouth to object, to deny. I can't. I can't even breathe. I am in love with her and I feel sometimes like it hurts so bad I may double over.~
I do, love her. I never said I didn't or that I wouldn't. I love her that is just how it is.


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