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Saturday, December 25, 2004

Hello Again ~ Finding Your Kiss

I'm glad you came tonight ~ though I wasn't at first, glad I mean. I was finally starting to shake how much I missed your energy, breathing deep ~ embracing the freedom. More sad because without our nights I could not seem to write anything, than sad because I had lost you. After all, I never actually had you.
See, I tried so hard to look away from thoughts of you ~ not wanting to heal myself with your memories, for then I'd only hurt later on. I let myself miss you, your touch, your eyes ~ I even found it somewhat erotic to feel the tears I knew I would never cry sting my eyes. When you didn't call, or when you did but it wasn't the same, I was okay. I'm not stupid. I know that I am at least half of the magic in this insane pair. I know that you don't really glow when you dance ~ it's me seeing you that way.
When you said you were stopping by I laughed a little inside, that was fine ~ I would love to look at you for a moment. You walked up to my door and looked surprised as I opened it before you knocked, like I always do, I stepped out with you. For a second I thought you might truly stop by and continue on. I thought you might not linger, considering whether or not you wanted to stay longer. You say something silly about me replacing you and the horrified look of shock when I dare to answer, "Not yet." is absolutely adorable.
We laugh and play and pause ~ caught off guard by the others encapturing gaze. Magic when you notice how someone takes you in, praying they can memorize this moment. Before long I find myself forgetting the fact that I had decided to release this obsession, conquer this crush and fold it into a bundle of poetry to be held onto forever but never read again.
It's when you kiss me, in that moment that your lips melt my own, I feel myself filled with the fear that you might disappear again. My finger tips on your chin, my eyes closed tight ~ I don't care! Give me this and in the hours that you are lost to me I will use this to remember I was happy and to remember that I will always be happy in one way or another.
Like teenagers kissing in the cold, laughing and talking ~ I look into your eyes, their beautiful green glow always makes me fall in love with you, "You know ~" the words break quickly when you bite my neck, "You know you're the one I want." Breathless and honestly those words I never meant you to hear fall out of my heart. They change you, your touch softens, your kiss more truthful. Makes me believe that I might not be the only one falling.
Falling asleep will be so easy tonight, I'll just let my dreams of you take me away for awhile. Did I mention that I'm glad you came tonight? I am.


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