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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Feels Like Home

I feel warm, slightly sick and shaky all over. My nerves are shot and waves of panic are sending me swirling and disoriented to slam into the ocean floor. We are at a place where, once again, I don't know what to say to you. I am not sure what it is that you'd like to hear, which could be why I feel so wrong inside. What you'd like to hear was never my concern, I simply let what was inside come out and miraculously you would smile. I believe it was that fact which allowed you to become someone, the only someone, I feel comfortable with inside and out. One of the only people who, if tomorrow took my last breath, could say they missed me. Aside from Korrynne and BellaTina any heartache witnessed would be the drama you so despise, it would be people missing an idea or an incorrect assumption because they do not know me. That you do means so much to me, it almost makes it to where I cannot breathe. You say that you do not lie, you will not say someone is beautiful if they are not you just do not make comment at all. I have no reason to believe that is anything other than honest so I am going to accept that. In accepting that I am accepting the things you have said to me, things that I found might have motive and might be meant to influence. I am going to disregard that little voice of warning and dismiss any ulterior motives I might have fabricated.
Soul mates. I believe, with all that I am, that I would not be who I am or who I will become had I never met you. With every atom that makes me up I know that I was looking for you, that I needed to find you in this life. There is a saying, "Feels like home." It would be terribly in appropriate for me to say that of you. I could say, "Feels like I imagined home should. Feels like love, safety and, dear sweet Jesus, it feels like I always prayed home would."


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