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Friday, April 08, 2005

"I Know You More Than You Know Yourself"

"I didn't mean to upset you, or hurt your feelings."
You didn't do either. Aiming for the twenty ~ miss the board completely.
"You are upset."
No. Aiming for the twenty ~ hit the three.
"You get this face, your mouth all tight in a line and your ears a little up. I can tell."
I'm fine. Aiming for the twenty ~ miss the board and hit the ground.
Steps up to the line and aiming for the seventeen hits the double seventeen. 17 ~ closed. "I feel it, Rae. Your nerves are bad and they've been bad since you got here. What happened?"
Nothing. I'm fine.
Aiming for the sixteen ~ she hits the nineteen. Taking aim again she pauses and looks at me. "I can tell by your face and by the way you move. You seem really off and something is bothering you." Aiming for the sixteen ~ hits the tiny triple sixteen. 16 ~ closed. "It's either something happened at school cause you seemed okay in the car when we passed or-"
How could you tell by passing in the car? Aim for the twenty ~ hit the garage door, well above where I can reach.
"You seemed okay and sent that text message right after, maybe that was just seeing me. Maybe this has been with you all day ~ did something happen at home?"
No. Aim for the twenty ~ hit the twenty. I still need two more.
"See, your facial expressions and everything. Girl, I know you more than you know yourself. I think it drives you crazy."
Sideways glance at her face, green eyes locked on me. Aim for the twenty ~ hit the twenty. Reaching up to gather the darts she steps up behind me, reaching the one that split the wood of the garage door. Her body pressed against mine and her feeling so warm. I want toturn around and kiss her, I want her to turn me around. I have nothing to say to that claim of knowledge. She has proven herself extraordinarily insightful in regards to me and I wouldn't argue that at all. As for the thought that it drives me crazy, I would rather her believe that then go through how I actually feel about her knowing me so well. I think that I am not sure if she figured me out or if I made it easier for her then ever anyone in my life. I wonder if I opened like a book or if I disclosed my secrets in letters, either way. I love that she knows me, only it scares me a bit. Should she decide that she no longer wants me, it will be a direct blow to who I am ~ the girl she knows so well. Three darts and she needs only her bulls now.
I step back up to the line. I like this game ~ you step up and shoot. No strategically plotting against someone else. If you miss it's your fault, if you hit it's your victory. I'm not very good at it, but I like this game. Twenty ~ hit the triple eighteen. Twenty ~ hit it.
"That's it babe, twenties closed. Nineteen."
Drive me crazy that she knows me more than I do? No, excites me, warms me, makes me feel good that she cares to know me at all, and that it interest her enough to get to know me more. Makes me happy and sad. Hopeful and hopeless. But, it doesn't drive me crazy ~ so maybe she has more to learn yet.


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