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Saturday, August 06, 2005

Where Am I?

Where am I?
Preocuppied, desolate, lost, drifting ~ or am I drowning ~ where am I?
I was feeling so much better. SO, SO, SO MUCH BETTER! It's as if I had found the tiny crystal heart, pink and made of crackled glass. As if I picked it up and went to tuck it gently into a safe place, satin lined velvet tarot bag inside an oak box, beautifully carved, polished and stained. Just before I let it fall into its perfect place I tripped and dropped it. Slow, chopped motion, images with interference and loss of focus. I watch it fall to the ground. It hasn't shattered yet but I am just watching in still motion as it falls.
I came home from work yesterday and fell asleep. At 6:30 in the evening I was SLEEPING. What??? I sept until eight this morning. ELEVEN AND A HALF HOURS! I inadvertently stood a friend up. That makes me feel like shit. I got home from work today and slept again until just now, eight hours and forty-five minutes! WHAT IS THIS? I wake up and want to sleep again, I feel worse every minute I am awake! I want to sleep forever.
I have been feeling like shit forever, it seems. I feel like shit now.
I am about to go back to bed, to stand up a sort of 'friend' and pretend I am dead.


Blogger Florisv said...

Perhaps you just needed a good time of sleep, we all do from time to time. And although I'm not sure the mood your in, sometimes, when one is sad, it seems to help, or as I have found out, be all one wants to do. Listen to your body, as you only can.

Dreaming of what has passed may give you the strenght to carry on. Dreaming of what can be, a future that will be, whatever that future is for you, which I do not know, and cannot decide on, is what will keep you going.

You are where you are, whenever or wherever that is, I do not know, only, that perhaps, it may let you find yourself, a bit more, or may be not... time will tell .. its ok to be who you are.

7:33 AM  

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