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Friday, February 11, 2005

Happy Forever

I think we might have finally found the someones who will make us happy forever. I said those words to you. I thought, "How can I be so foolish, how dare I say those words out loud, how could I be so utterly ridiculous?" Yet it was such a nice thought, such a good, warm, lovely thought. I tried to let it go, but instead I said it to you. I gave you that frightfully beautiful thought. You, you smiled.
Then I called, reaching out, *ing you could make it better or at least tell me to hold on and it would be. I said it's just different. I was, like only once before in this life, broken-hearted. My voice couldn't hold the pain, and my throat couldn't handle the ball of tears. Still my eyes burned, dry as dust. I trust my premonitions, so why am I scared? I trust my premonitions, maybe it's why I'm scared.

Now I want to be far away, oh so very far away. I want to be lost at sea, out in the vast ocean of life. Drifting. I * I was an empty vessel, alone and done. I want to sink, I am. Sinking.
I hate this.

2 Comments:

Blogger korryne said...

happy forever. such a foolishly beautiful thought. but you said even then, "maybe not forever, but for a very long time." i had forgotten. my heart heard only forever. but even so, it hasn't been long enough. the perfect year only just begun. and really we tricked ourselves into the perfect year. with birthdays being special. since when is anything special? see, we were extra vulnerable because we thought we weren't going to find anything. i forgot that when you don't expect anything, any thing is special. and special is sad because you know you don't deserve it. but I want to say, you do deserve it. we do. but we don't, do we? i think you'll answer yes to me. and if i do, then you do. and don't you think i do? then you do, you're smarter than me, so advice you give to me will be better than what i can say. because you have the answers, not me. and if you're crazy, so am i. and i've been saying i am, so you must be. i'm sorry to tell you like this, but i'll never lie to you. so what to do? it's simple really. close your eyes, and you have her. and everything is beautiful. and don't worry because it will all be fine, perfect really which is better than fine. don't worry now, just know you will be happy forever.

2:39 PM  
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1:08 PM  

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