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Sunday, January 09, 2005

I always loved her. I always adored her. I always wanted to be her.
Sometimes, from far away I'd watch her. She was so different from me, she was so much more than me, so much better. It only made me love her more.
One day when no one was looking life happened, we were grown. It wasn't what it was supposed to be or how it was supposed to happen ~ like it or not it was there on our doorstep and we had to let it in.
I put my head down and pushed through it. Hating every morning, dreading every night. Why dream anymore? Everyone knows they never come true. Why believe in what could be? All you have is what is.
Then I got an email, one that touched me, moved me, made me demand that I hold myself accountable. If my death found me and I was not a published writer, painting and loving and laughing in my spare time it would only be my fault. Why? Because if she, so intellectual, so brilliant thought that of me. If she envied me, if someone so perfect saw a gift ~ then surely it is there. Surely others would see it too.
She was the force behind this blog and the person who changed my life. When I found this web site I was amazed. Here was a side I did not know ~ here was a side I loved more. If the person who wrote this is the same as the one who wrote that email then I am truly flattered, because this girl is awesome, someone who will be remembered. I love her.
I guess what I'm saying is regardless of what the dedications may read in the future ~ this blog and every other written thing is in some way due to her, for her, because of her.
Thank you.


Blogger korrynne said...

you are my best friend...

11:28 AM  

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