Best Year Ever ~ I'm Sorry, I Lied

This was supposed to be the best year ever. It was, what happened? In ways it will always be one of the best. In ways it will be one I will regarded with hatred and shame and agony my whole life. Who am I? Where am I going and why does everything take so fucking long? I’m so very tired of saying it will get better, when? When will it be any better? This is life and that’s all there is to it.
I am a disappointment, a disaster. I am a horrible, horrible, desperate, ugly cunt-trash-nothing. I hate what I’ve let everything come to and despite the treacherous way it makes me feel, despite wanting to vomit because I am stuck in this skin, I seriously don’t see anyway to change it, except going back and I am almost positive that will only make me hate myself more.
The only feeble attempt at justification I can make is that I honestly believed that things could and would be good by now, or at least very, very soon.
Now what?