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Tuesday, May 10, 2005


You have broken something beautiful ~ destroyed something absolutely AMAZING. Inside I am a little hurt that you couldn’t just let it flourish, but I don’t hate you ~ not at all. I almost love you more. See, but people change – we are always evolving and moving, some of us much, much, agonizingly much slower than others. Some of us SO much faster it’s scary. You ~ I believe ~ lived your life rapidly changing for some time now, and you are slowing down. Rolling through it, catching your breath. I was still ~ terrified and resisting even the small growth that one cannot help. When I met you I was ready ~ the tension of kinetic passion and anticipation of anything ~ EVERYTHING ~ built to a point of breaking. You simply leaned in and, as soft as you spoke, your breath was enough to open the floodgates.
You were what I needed ~ in some ways I believe I will always need you. Only it is unlike anything I have known, it is the reason that I would like to always know you, to settled somewhere close to you. This need is not one where I need you to be myself or in which I fear abandonment, maybe need is the wrong word all together. I think it is. When you are near me I am brave and strong, you release the fear and I open up and feel life entirely. I like my smile and my laughter; I like the earth and all the mysteries of it.
You do not understand when I say that you are great ~ you smile that smile that says, “I know I am.” You don’t ~ you have no idea what I mean. It is so much more than your looks, which are fine and have an exquisiteness that baffles me. More than your movements ~ measured and eloquent like a cat. More than your ability to do anything so much better than anyone I know. More than your beautiful mind and wonderful heart. You have your own perfection, exist on your own level ~ in your realm.
Smarter than me? Maybe, you have more life experience that’s for sure. You fail to understand though. You think tied down, committed, responsible. I’m not saying any of those things ~ I do not want them. I just want to know you and your life as you grow and change. I want to be here growing and changing beside you. Not for you, not because of you ~ with you. I don’t want to be the change or limit your direction ~ I would just like to be your witness.
That’s just it ~ what you destroyed. I would have been your blind witness. I would have told the world of your superhuman life. I would have smiled for ages and thanked the stars until the day, or evening ~ or night, I took my last breath. I know that still I will be your witness, only now I know you are human. Oh, darling, though you are one of the absolute best that God graced this planet with ~ you are human.
You are human and within perfection, you are correct, there is fluctuation. I just ~ I fail to understand. Why would you want me to see that when it would have been easy to let me live and breathe under the impression that you were yourself a god? Did you not care that you might break the spell? Or did you think that spell unbreakable?
Still, I am not sad, I am unbelievably happy – am grateful, am excited, am overwhelmed, am alive!

I thank you, I cannot wait to see where we will go.


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