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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Who Am I?

A question so often asked. So rarely answered. Who I am is ever changing if I am truly living this life, for all things ~ the mundane, the ridiculous, the larger than life ~ change my reality, perception. Therefore changing how I interact, react, consider, evaluate and ultimately changing who I am. It is an unfair question. This world expects so much from people, where did the pressure to know exactly where you're going and by what age you'll be there and by what means and what when you arrive and how long and what next come from? How can you plan out your life so precisely when you truly don't know if you will have a tomorrow or what that tomorrow will give to you. How can you expect to share yourself if you have no real notion of who that self is? It is ludicrous to assume that I, or anyone my age can honestly answer that. Though no doubt some poor young people do have an answer. I am better off, though their proud parents and my own, I'm sure disappointed, parents, would disagree. For at least I know that I have no answer, instead of following a plan to a life only to waste more years and then realize that the person I made said plan for, the person I built said future for, isn't the person I am.
Who am I now? That is a question with answers, that question is fair and within reason. I am now a girl I actually like to be. I am now a girl who feels, though scared in her own right, somewhat in control. I can't change things, not really ~ however things are changed by how you deal with them. I no longer choose not to care, that really didn't work anyway. Now I care, so much so that my chest hurts and my hands shake, but still, through constant reminders, I force myself to breathe. Smile. Live. Continue.

So far it has worked.


Blogger korrynne said...

for some reason you reminded me of that book, did you ever read it? If it is true to you, then it is true. Another truth may take its place later. What comes truly from me is true, whether anybody believes it or not. It is my will notice that it becomes second nature after a while, you won't have to force it, you will just breathe, smile, live... once you do it long enough that is just how it is. you are you effortlessly.

7:13 AM  

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